i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
