i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
