On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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