Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
