I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have fence marks all over my body
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
