It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
