Fine. I'll sleep in my office
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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