Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
