My friends, they love my intelligence
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
