I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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