He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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