i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
