i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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