Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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