u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
