at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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