JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
