If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
