i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
