i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
