my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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