So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
is it fun? or sober?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
