I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
