I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wish there were birth control emojis
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
