my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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