I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize