he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
