She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
