So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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