this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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