she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize