i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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