you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
