I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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