Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
