Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
