You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
