You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
