I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry about my life...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
