he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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