i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
