No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
