So drunk its hurt
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
