What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
