The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The air was thick with penises
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
