____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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