Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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