So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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