she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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