Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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