Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
