not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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