Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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