I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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