I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
