Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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