What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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