While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
