Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
