This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we made out on top of his cat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
