he shaved USA in his pubs
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
