Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
