Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
