i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just found puke in my bra..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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