i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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