imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
