omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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