The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
