girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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