BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
