So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im having a threesome with these popsicles
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
