So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
