Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
