I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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