i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
